'My mother’s face was covered in scars…'- Springboks captain Siya Kolisi on how witnessing abuse led him to greatness & heartbreak

Springboks captain Siya Kolisi reveals the haunting journey from a childhood marked by hardship and violence to becoming a symbol of hope, courage, and resilience, battling personal demons along the way.

Everyone has a story but few stories unfold with the heartbreak redemption and unflinching vulnerability of Siya Kolisi’s.

In a small home in the black township of Zwide, Port Elizabeth, a young Siya cradled his grandmother as she took her last breaths.

“I remember losing my grandmother and her dying in my arms. She was the closest person to me,” he recalls in his book Rise which was released in 2021 as narrated by The Guardian.

This memory haunts Kolisi who faced relentless pain and adversity from a young age.

Growing up in a community where hunger was a constant companion and violence echoed through the streets Kolisi learned the harsh truths of survival.

As a boy, he scavenged for food, struggled to make sense of a broken home and carried the deep scars left by those he loved but could not protect. His mother, beaten and bruised, was a lasting image of suffering.

At the age of five, while playing in the streets, he picked up her teeth—knocked out during another violent assault.

“I see some of the men who beat her in the streets when I go home, and it hurts that nothing ever happened to them,” he says, reflecting on the anger he feels toward those who abused his mother.

Through the years, Kolisi grappled with his trauma in silence. It was a world where boys were expected to be strong and stoic and there was no space for vulnerability.

He recalls, “I didn’t know how to speak for a long time.”

The weight of his experiences grew heavier, and he had no outlet to share his pain. Instead, he turned to destructive habits.

By the time he was ten, Kolisi was already sniffing petrol to escape reality. It was only a small part of the darkness that engulfed his early years.

The struggle for survival extended beyond hunger and violence. Kolisi’s journey took a sudden turn when a rugby coach Eric Songwiqi saw potential in him.

He was malnourished and had little exposure to the world beyond Zwide. Yet, coach Songwiqi fought to give Kolisi a chance persuading Grey High School to take him on a rugby scholarship.

“There were three of us, but I was very small,” Kolisi remembers.

“I had malnutrition. So he forced [Grey] and said, ‘If you want these two, you have to take this one [Kolisi points to himself].’”

Thrust into the alien environment of a predominantly white, privileged school, Kolisi felt the weight of his differences.

He struggled with English and felt embarrassed in the presence of classmates who could not understand the hardships he had endured. But he persevered, driven by the opportunity to change his life and the lives of his family.

“I made a friend, Nick Holton, who is still my best mate. He taught me how to speak English and helped me a lot,” he recalls.

This new life came with privileges Kolisi had only dreamed of. For the first time, he had consistent access to food and education. He seized the opportunity with everything he had, knowing it was his family’s hope for a better future.

However, the path was not easy. The transition from the township to privilege was jarring and bittersweet, opening Kolisi’s eyes to the stark injustices of society.

He knew that talented friends were left behind in Zwide, deprived of chances solely because of their circumstances.

“It was just a 15-minute drive [from Zwide to Grey], and that’s all it took for me to start dreaming differently,” he reflects.

The realization filled him with both gratitude and sorrow, knowing many wouldn’t escape the cycle he had been fortunate enough to break.

By 2013, Kolisi had made his debut for the South African national team, the Springboks. However, his ascent in the rugby world came with new challenges, including the pressures and temptations that come with fame.

He lost himself in alcohol, which became a way to cope with the lingering pain of his past.

“I drank when I was happy or sad, or dealing with something. Drinking was the only way I knew to get through this stuff,” he admits. His behavior took a toll on his relationships, most significantly with his wife, Rachel, whom he married in 2016.

The weight of his past traumas continued to haunt him, impacting his family life and personal decisions.

It was only in 2019, with the support of his wife, that Kolisi began confronting his inner demons. Rachel urged him to seek guidance from a mentor, Ben Schoeman, who confronted him about his actions.

"Siya, you drink a lot, you fool around with women, you go to strip clubs. You post on social media about your faith in Christ, but you’re lying to yourself and everyone else,” Schoeman told him.

These words forced Kolisi to reevaluate his life. He began opening up about his struggles, embracing sobriety, and gradually learning to face the pain he had buried for so long.

Yet, the relief was short-lived. Just a week ago, Kolisi and Rachel announced their divorce, a decision that shocked fans and followers who had seen them as a resilient pair.

Kolisi’s vulnerability is evident as he navigates this new chapter alone, bearing the weight of past mistakes and heartbreak.

“I’m still learning how to have a proper conversation with her,” he once admitted, highlighting his ongoing struggle with communication.

His relationship with Rachel had been a lifeline, yet the unspoken traumas and pressures created cracks that time could not heal.

As he recalls his mother’s suffering, Kolisi feels a pang of guilt for not being able to protect her.

The memory of her face, scarred from years of abuse, remains etched in his mind.

He remembers the shock when his younger brother looked at an old photograph of her, saying, “That looks nothing like her.”

Kolisi reflects, “That broke me. But even through the hurt, she’ll always be beautiful to me.”

The scars of his past linger in Kolisi’s life. When he visits his hometown, he encounters some of the men who had abused his mother.

The rage bubbles within him, but he forces himself to restrain his anger, knowing that confrontation won’t change the past.

"I see this one guy, and I remember the day I watched him beat up my mother. I get so angry, but I must control myself,” he confesses.

Despite his success, Kolisi’s journey is a painful reminder of the unresolved traumas he still carries.

Kolisi’s story is not just one of triumph but also one of caution as he acknowledges the darker parts of his life, wanting to be transparent with those who look up to him.

“Let’s say I’m someone’s role model. The kid will think: ‘I want to be like you one day.’ But he doesn’t know the struggles you face,” Kolisi emphasizes.

As he recounts his rise from the depths of despair, Kolisi does not shy away from his flaws.

“I’m not a saint at all. I’m a sinner trying to be the best he can be every day,” he says, accepting his imperfections.

His journey from a child lost in pain to a sports icon inspires millions, but he remains candid about his ongoing battles.

Kolisi’s commitment to being a positive influence goes beyond the rugby field.

After the Springboks’ historic World Cup win in 2019, he resolved to use his platform to advocate against gender violence, a cause close to his heart.

“Rachel said, ‘You couldn’t help your mother or your aunt, but you can help other women.’ She was right,” he says.

Kolisi’s advocacy stems from personal experience, knowing the horrors of domestic abuse and its impact on families.

Despite his achievements, Kolisi is acutely aware of the harsh reality faced by South Africans every day.

The country grapples with violence, poverty, and inequality, and he understands that sports victories alone cannot change this. But Kolisi believes in the power of dialogue and vulnerability.

He encourages men to open up about their struggles challenging the societal norms that equate masculinity with silence and strength.

“Sometimes a break is good, but it will be even better to go back and talk some more. It always helps to talk."